Making Time For Yourself And Your Loved Ones

People always talk about the idea of a work/life balance. However I never hear anyone speak about their personal life balance versus other’s. 

The idea of relaxation is normally an idea that is thought of however, ironically it is not made time for. People often undermine this crucial part of life.

Your mind needs a break. Not just from bills, and your career, but from taking care of others. If you have a family please understand that you should spend time with them but also balance taking a moment for yourself.

I know, I know it’s easier said then done. But try this. If your a mother who has a daughter, invite her to get a manicure/pedicure with you. If she turns down the opportunity it is perfectly acceptable for you to go by yourself instead. Once your done, why not grab some dinner for you two, sit down at the table (no tv or electronics) and talk about your day. This allows you time to spend by yourself, and time to spend with her as well. 

Try it out. I promise you’ll feel better and end up with an even bigger smile on your face.

- Love is life

Melissa 

Q: How Do I Deal With Finding Out My Partner Cheated?

A: To begin with, I apologize from the depths of my heart that this has happened to you. I truly and honestly do.

You may have already felt as though your partner may have been cheating. 

The first step is to speak about this with your partner. Notice I did not say “confront” although essentially that’s what you’ll be doing. You want to approach this in the best possible manner that you can for yourself. Suspicion is enough to make you upset, and rightfully so. However if you go in there with guns swinging and they confirm your worst fears you’ll reach a dangerously new level of anger. Try to approach the matter with as much tact as you can especially if you have a family with this person or if you’ve been together for a long period of time.

If this was confirmed, again, I truly apologize. I understand that having something like this confirmed is a gut wrenching blow to the heart. You probably don’t know where to start, if to forgive them, if to leave them and you probably have a million questions and emotions running through your mind. 

Let’s discuss the different responses you may have gotten back individually and thoughts on how to handle each one.

1: Denial

- This response is normally the, “I wasn’t cheating” or the “You’re crazy” remarks. Let me just put this out there. You’re not crazy, and you’re not insane. You feared this for a reason. There were signs. If they want to downplay your sanity, ask them about the signs. See what they have to say and if they’ll finally admit it.

If this is the route your partner decided to take, I want you to understand something. There is no saving this relationship. I know many people might disagree but let me explain why. By denying you your partner has decided to not respect you by coming clean and admitting their mistakes. In addition to this by cheating on you they’ve broken your trust. They chose someone over you, your feelings, your emotions, and what the two of you have/had. If later on down the road they admit it, sincerely, ask for your forgiveness, and want to work it out with you, and you truly want them back in your life, more power to you. But until that day comes, the relationship is basically done and understand there’s no shame in making that choice.

2. Deflection

- This goes above denial. They begin to say that “I’m not cheating, you’re the one who is cheating” or “Maybe you’re the one who has something to hide.”  If your partner does this please understand that you’d be better off without this kind of person in your life.

Similar to denial they have broken your trust, and disrespected you. However this response elicits that your partner likes to play mind games and apparently thinks you to be a weak human being with no confidence. Furthermore this type of person probably believes you can’t do better then them. We’ll call them Type Douchebag. Please know, if you do have low self esteem, you’re a beautiful person and you deserve so much more than someone who doesn’t value you as a person. You can do better, and you will do better as long as you remember to stay true to yourself, and stand up for what you deserve.

3. Apologetic

- This person owns up to their mistakes. They will probably apologize to you over and over. They may also ask you to listen to them or let them explain what happened and beg for your forgiveness. 

Honestly this is probably the hardest response to deal with. Normally if you really care about this person (which if you didn’t you wouldn’t be so upset right now) you’ll want to believe them. I will forewarn you this can go either way, however it will be a two way street. Rules should probably be put in place for the both of you. At this point your trust is broken in the person and without some sort of rule or boundary you will drive yourself crazy questioning if they are cheating on you again (if you choose to stay with them). 

I’ll let you in on a secret. There’s no time limit to rebuild trust. If it takes you 2 years, it takes you 2 years. There’s nothing wrong with that. But you are both going to need to do some soul searching to survive this. Your partner needs to make sure they want to fight for you, and fight for your relationship. You on the other hand need to see what you need, and what you want from them. Don’t ask them to fight for you if you are not willing to give them a second chance. If you both want to try and salvage your relationship I wish you the best of luck. However I ask you to both be honest with yourselves. If you can’t handle it anymore, you owe it to yourself to be open and honest about that with your partner. 

No therapist or another person who gives advice will be able to tell you what to do. Every situation is different. Please do what’s best for you. Try not to rush into a decision, sleep on it and figure out what you truly want.

Love is life.

- Melissa